Before getting started I would like to note: I made a promise to someone prior to leaving Alabama that I would not become "one of those weird people". I am publicly announcing that I did not keep my word. I've become the ultimate weirdo. The way God has been touching me is so beautiful because it expands my sensitivity to Him and decreases my caring for what other people think. It's really fun!
The first thing to highlight is a testimony of community. Throughout my life I have struggled with maintaining friends - deep friends. I could tell you many stories of heartbreaks because of "friends" or seasons of not having friends at all to go to when I just needed an ear to talk to. (Thanks mom and dad for filling in) ;). I longed for deep connection with people of the same heartbeat as me. I never found it. I've been in bethel school for one month and I have found the ones my soul loves. My heart is wrecked by the people here.
I understand this doesn't sound like a significant thing to mention. But I choose to share this because I think this is one of the simplest, yet most deep heartaches I've had. God satisfies every desire. And much of that comes through a beautiful community.
Second highlight is a particular fear God has dealt with.
I can't remember a time where I didn't strive for significance or fear mediocrity. This intense feeling motivates me to never settle, to be okay with moving a million miles from anything I know, and to fear being too still. When I moved from Alabama, I had no plans of returning. The only things I would ever go back for are family and my home church (shout out to GLC). But even then the idea of being "stuck" in Alabama terrified me. It made me feel as if I was suffocating. In my first few weeks in school, I was in a thought process with God. I think, "If you tell me to go anywhere, I'm excited to go! I'll even go back to Alabama!" I stopped and thought, "Why am I suddenly okay with this??" The answer: I AM SO FULL OF GOD. I have had a beautiful paradigm shift. I encounter Him all the time. His glory, power, love, and truth. I am not afraid of my environment taking away my significance. I don't need my surroundings to feed me. I am actually eager to pour out love and glory on the places I go.
God is a lover! And He has called me to be a lover of people and cities. It seems so simple, but it's really quite the phenomenon. To recognize that my soul can be at peace, no matter my place or position, is a very exhilarating and comforting thought.
The third and final thing I would like to highlight is this: Friendship with God.
I feel that in the past I have entered into deep friendship with God, and it was easy for me. When my parents divorced, I was hurt by certain things that happened, and as a result my heart shut down towards my intimacy with God. I didn't recognize it though! It took time for me to realize that I wasn't experiencing Him the same. When I felt Him pressing into depth in our relationship, I would get uncomfortable and disengage.
Fast forward to Bethel! Long story, short, one specific relationship that was torn through the divorce has been reconciled (WOO). Crazy enough, the reconciliation was a result of a bizarre dream we both had on the same night. We spoke on the phone, forgave each other, and opened up our hearts to relationship again. CRAZY, right?? As soon as I hung up the phone, I started chattering away to God in such a way that I do with close friends. I stopped myself and said, "Wow. I haven't talked to you like this in a long time."
Soon after, I was in a session at our schools retreat. The message was all about God's love. Receiving His love, encountering His love, ect. (This is where I elaborate on becoming a weirdo).
Throughout the entire message I am shaking. And not a gentle head nod or shoulder rocking, this is a full on shimmy, head twitch, and body crunches kind of experience. I can tell you that I was not voluntarily being a freak. But I can also tell you, I felt so amazing I couldn't care less how I looked.
As the night went on people were receiving prayer. I was walking across the room (still doing those crazy crunches) when suddenly a girl from the prayer team pounced on me. (I say pounced because I had no idea where she came from. One second she was unseen, the next she was holding my hand). She said so sweetly, "Friendship with the Holy Spirit!"
I was almost immediately on the ground burning under the intensity of His presence! (Shoutout to all the other weirdos!!) But the point is not the weird stuff. The point is the heart stuff. After these encounters with Him, I am so ignited with passion to continue pursuing connection to His heart. Ultimately, He wants to be known by heart encounters, not by rules and regulations.
I wish I could talk to every person reading this on the phone so you could hear my tone of voice and the details of my stories. I am so overflowing with joy! I laugh so much now. More than I ever have. Most of the time I am laughing because I can't believe He is really this good, but He is! That's enough to make me choke on my own laughter.
He is a beautiful and perfect friend!
He is stunning in the way He loves!
He ravishes minds and hearts!
And I am overwhelmed by the privilege to know Him and love Him in return.
Thanks so much for reading and supporting my journey! It's wild! And I am beyond ecstatic to bring revival to this culture we live in. :)
SO MUCH LOVE
- Hannah
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