Hannah's Bethel Journey | Loving My Bible & Dreaming with God

Good morning beauties! 

I felt it was time to give another update on the things happening here. There is constantly emotional things that God is bringing up to be dealt with, so there is a constant breakthrough happening in my heart. But there are just two things that I felt like sharing on today.

1. Unexpected love for the bible teaching!

I was born and raised in the south. That implies that since birth there is a pressure put on me by my surroundings (church's and Christians) to spend a certain amount of time a day reading the bible, praying, and worshipping. I think because there was this pressure on my shoulders that said "To earn Gods love, you have to read the bible", I actually developed a dislike for the bible. I couldn't measure up so why try! 

The last several years I've experienced such a profound love from God that it has changed my views of the bible, and now I enjoy it. But it still presents challenges and things that confuse me. 

The bible teaching at Bethel wasn't something that was on my list of "Things Hannah is Excited to Learn". But I am excited to say that I'm being awestruck at the simple tools to interpreting what scripture means! For the first time I can read a parable and actually understand the context and the point the author is making. I had no idea that there was a way to understand the bible. I thought you just read and hopefully one day understand the context. Jesus is amazing! I love his words. 

2. Dreaming with God! (Dreams for life not night dreams) 

As a BSSM student I have the privilege of choosing a class to take. Choices range from prophetic class, learning to live a supernatural lifestyle, study of powerful women of the bible, ect. The class that I am taking is called "Kingdom Creativity". This is a class that trains you to be creative and dream with God. Within that class I have options: Writing, Music, Film, Dance, Culinary Arts, or Art. I chose culinary arts. 

Last week we were being taught by Theresa Dedmond. She was speaking on the value of dreams. She told us, "Ask God what He thinks of your dreams." As a class we all entered into conversation with Holy Spirit. Then she said, "Now ask Him 'What will happen if I dare to dream these dreams?'" 

I was immediately moved by the power of dreaming. 

Theresa then told us to pick a dream and turn to the person next to us to tell them about it so they could encourage us in it. I turned to the person next to me and my mind went blank! I didn't know what to say! 

"I don't know!" I said. "I love music. And cooking. And business. I want a bed and breakfast one day. I don't know how to tie this all in." 

The woman I was speaking to is a third year bethel student. 

She replied, "Oh I see how that could work all together." She goes on to explain a beautiful picture of how my passion for music and cooking could work together to create a healing environment in my future businesses. 

The next thing she said blew my mind to pieces. 

"I see what your bed and breakfast looks like!" She then describes the intricate details of what I've always dreamed my business to look like, ranging from the exterior building style to the interior curtains and furniture. 

Jaw dropped and wide eyed, I stared at her and laughed. I laughed on and on in absolute shock. 

Since that moment I have had massive  clarity for the things I want in life. I'm also in wonderment of how deeply and intricately God knows my heart. It's astounding. 

To wrap up, I wanted to share about knowing your beauty. I have had this conversation with many people in the last few months. 

Why are bethel students so beautiful? Here are the most stunning people I've ever seen! I was almost uncomfortable to be here because I haven't felt like I'm on that level.

 I've been realizing, these people know who they are. They know their identity as lovers of God, and they carry that confidence. It's as if beauty is a response to being loved whole. I'm allowing my perspective to be changed from outwardly expressing beauty to inwardly accepting my beauty. If I can receive the truth that my Papa God is holy and beautiful, and he's in love with me, I am beautiful in nature. 

It's interesting that our culture wraps itself around beauty, because that is what we are made for. Instead of striving for it, perhaps we should pursue our fathers embrace. That is what brings our exterior into wholeness and wonder. Beauty is an inside job, but it shows on the outside. 

Thanks for reading! I'm a girl of many words so I appreciate that you persevered through my updates. 

Much love, 

Hannah

Hannah's Bethel Journey | One Month Down

First of all, I'm sorry I don't update more often. I'm so overwhelmed by all the beautiful things happening to me that I struggle with articulating them in a condensed way. So here is my attempt at bringing everyone into an experience of my journey in my first month at Bethel! 

Before getting started I would like to note: I made a promise to someone prior to leaving Alabama that I would not become "one of those weird people". I am publicly announcing that I did not keep my word. I've become the ultimate weirdo. The way God has been touching me is so beautiful because it expands my sensitivity to Him and decreases my caring for what other people think. It's really fun! 

The first thing to highlight is a testimony of community. Throughout my life I have struggled with maintaining friends - deep friends. I could tell you many stories of heartbreaks because of "friends" or seasons of not having friends at all to go to when I just needed an ear to talk to. (Thanks mom and dad for filling in) ;). I longed for deep connection with people of the same heartbeat as me. I never found it. I've been in bethel school for one month and I have found the ones my soul loves. My heart is wrecked by the people here. 

I understand this doesn't sound like a significant thing to mention. But I choose to share this because I think this is one of the simplest, yet most deep heartaches I've had. God satisfies every desire. And much of that comes through a beautiful community. 

Second highlight is a particular fear God has dealt with. 

I can't remember a time where I didn't strive for significance or fear mediocrity. This intense feeling motivates me to never settle, to be okay with moving a million miles from anything I know, and to fear being too still. When I moved from Alabama, I had no plans of returning. The only things I would ever go back for are family and my home church (shout out to GLC). But even then the idea of being "stuck" in Alabama terrified me. It made me feel as if I was suffocating. In my first few weeks in school, I was in a thought process with God. I think, "If you tell me to go anywhere, I'm excited to go! I'll even go back to Alabama!" I stopped and thought, "Why am I suddenly okay with this??" The answer: I AM SO FULL OF GOD. I have had a beautiful paradigm shift. I encounter Him all the time. His glory, power, love, and truth. I am not afraid of my environment taking away my significance. I don't need my surroundings to feed me. I am actually eager to pour out love and glory on the places I go. 

God is a lover! And He has called me to be a lover of people and cities. It seems so simple, but it's really quite the phenomenon. To recognize that my soul can be at peace, no matter my place or position, is a very exhilarating and comforting thought. 

The third and final thing I would like to highlight is this: Friendship with God.

I feel that in the past I have entered into deep friendship with God, and it was easy for me. When my parents divorced, I was hurt by certain things that happened, and as a result my heart shut down towards my intimacy with God. I didn't recognize it though! It took time for me to realize that I wasn't experiencing Him the same. When I felt Him pressing into depth in our relationship, I would get uncomfortable and disengage. 

Fast forward to Bethel! Long story, short, one specific relationship that was torn through the divorce has been reconciled (WOO). Crazy enough, the reconciliation was a result of a bizarre dream we both had on the same night. We spoke on the phone, forgave each other, and opened up our hearts to relationship again. CRAZY, right?? As soon as I hung up the phone, I started chattering away to God in such a way that I do with close friends. I stopped myself and said, "Wow. I haven't talked to you like this in a long time." 

Soon after, I was in a session at our schools retreat. The message was all about God's love. Receiving His love, encountering His love, ect. (This is where I elaborate on becoming a weirdo). 

Throughout the entire message I am shaking. And not a gentle head nod or shoulder rocking, this is a full on shimmy, head twitch, and body crunches kind of experience. I can tell you that I was not voluntarily being a freak. But I can also tell you, I felt so amazing I couldn't care less how I looked. 

As the night went on people were receiving prayer. I was walking across the room (still doing those crazy crunches) when suddenly a girl from the prayer team pounced on me. (I say pounced because I had no idea where she came from. One second she was unseen, the next she was holding my hand). She said so sweetly, "Friendship with the Holy Spirit!" 

I was almost immediately on the ground burning under the intensity of His presence! (Shoutout to all the other weirdos!!)  But the point is not the weird stuff. The point is the heart stuff. After these encounters with Him, I am so ignited with passion to continue pursuing connection to His heart. Ultimately, He wants to be known by heart encounters, not by rules and regulations. 

I wish I could talk to every person reading this on the phone so you could hear my tone of voice and the details of my stories. I am so overflowing with joy! I laugh so much now. More than I ever have. Most of the time I am laughing because I can't believe He is really this good, but He is! That's enough to make me choke on my own laughter. 

He is a beautiful and perfect friend!

He is stunning in the way He loves!

He ravishes minds and hearts! 

And I am overwhelmed by the privilege to know Him and love Him in return.

Thanks so much for reading and supporting my journey! It's wild! And I am beyond ecstatic to bring revival to this culture we live in. :)

SO MUCH LOVE 

- Hannah 

My Mom

Dedicated to a fighter, a lover, my best friend, my mom.

“Her soul is alive. And we are drawn to her” – Staci Eldgredge.

You are radiant.

You are a woman of words. And what is more important than speaking the language of the heart? He, the One who comforts, comes close in intimacy, and wraps Himself around us with His warm embrace. He is the one you accurately articulate the heart of. The Spirit of Love.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

This passage, so often used in the context of marriage, should more often be used in the context of motherhood. Because you have done exactly as it says.

You speak life, enlightening the darkest of rooms, the troubled hearts, the hearts of my brothers, and my own heart. The Spirit of God is the breath you breathe, you are a prophetess of healing and intimacy. You are significant, you are unmatched.

You have been tried, and you have remained true. In all my days, there wasn’t one when you didn’t love me.

“I’m weathered but still elegant.” Song of Songs 1:5.

The Knowing

What are my spirits memories of you? I'm sure I knew you before my birth, as we dreamed and planned my destiny together. What were your thoughts as you designed my fingerprint? What was our opinion of me as you breathed into my lungs the very life I am living.

Give me insights into your mind. Give me the knowledge of your affection. Give me the understanding of your emotions. To know you inside and out is to know the very purpose of everything in existence, including me.

My eyes, my nose, my mouth; each were purposefully given to me. My spirit carries treasure and my soul grows gardens, as my mind and body come into alignment with your character.

Light as a Feather

You provide to me the best wine

You break for me the best bread

As we sit around this feasting table 

I passover to you my burdens

And you hand me your yoke

Oh the sweetest of burdens you give

You may lay your yoke on me every moment

It weighs me to the ground with the heaviness of your freedom

Then I float to the heavens above with the infatuation of your affection 

You barricade my soul 

With the protective spirit

Of the most ancient of loves

My Mind's Rest

He is beyond the greatest thoughts.

More profound than the deepest understanding.

I quiet myself before Him.

I have permission to quiet my mind.

My body can rest.

My soul can be still.

Who He is, is enough to silence me forever. 

Who gave my thinking permission to address me, define me, as less than enough?

Whilst I sit in the presence of the Lord, my Lover, my Friend,

And He speaks to me as if I am more lovely

Than the mountains, skies, flowers, and oceans.

My Rock. My Fortress. 

He is enough.

Enough to make me silently satisfied in myself.

Because He is satisfied. 

My mind finds ease.

My soul abandons strife.

My body is well.

My spirit sings on.

Self Love

I adore You, and You adore me. Am I not to love what You love?

In a crowd of people who adore chaos and performance, 

I learn to adore my own heart in its purity.

Maskless.

Time

How do I express what it is to be so deeply loved by you?

There are no words

There are no rhymes

My greatest expression 

Is to give you my time

My greatest sacrifice 

Is to give you my time

My greatest victory

Is to give you my time

You're greatest satisfaction 

Is for me to give you my time 

This is freedom from works

You polish, I shine

I must only

Give you my time

Generosity

I like Your oil.

The one that intoxicates the air.

The one that intoxicates my lungs.

The one that intoxicates my skin.

You do not hold it from me 

But You pour it kindly. 

When I've asked You to teach me of generosity, You've revealed this;

The most precious of oil,

Worth more than silver

Worth more than gold

Worth so great,

It cannot be sold...

You tip it over.

It pours from the resting place,

Over my hands

Over my feet

Into my head

Into my heart.

You, my God, are generous. 

Motherhood

Because of you I am confident in my strength

Because of you I am confident in my weakness

Because of you I am confident in my womanhood

Because of you I am confident in a man’s masculinity

Than a man, your slender body is no less powerful

Than a man, your tender heart is no less warrior

The love you carry is fierce

The passion you hold is dangerous

The protection you provide me is empowering

The covering you give me is strengthening

You are a treasure to humanity

You are a fortress to my heart

The wisdom you freely give is the foundation which I can walk on

The bravery you firmly hold is the path you’ve paved before me

There is no valley

There is no mountain

There is no ocean

There is no sky

That I could possibly venture into

Without the shoulders you have given me to stand on

You raise me up, so I truly stand on mountains.

The deepest places of my heart are thankful for the friendship and power you have given me.

There is no other woman that holds the place in my heart that you hold

In my darkest moments, you were there to hold me

In my brightest moments, you were there to shout my name

I am who I am, because of the beautiful example of femininity you imparted to me.

Dear Mom, you are a pillar of beauty.

Thank you for allowing your ceiling to become my floor.