Hannah's Bethel Journey | I Am Whole

Dear Beautiful Friends and Family,

I have so many rich things to share with you. You have all loved me so well and believed in me so extravagantly. I want you to know that my life is changing dramatically and I can't wait for you to be personally affected by the testimony of my life. 

I am six months into my first school year at Bethel. To express what has happened in my life can be condensed to one simple sentence: All of the weights that I have ever carried in my mind, emotions, or spirit, I no longer carry because I have learned how to think, how to process emotions, and how to battle in the spirit with a victorious mentality. 

The simple gospel has saved me. Jesus walked the earth to show us that God is a good father, he died so I could be free in the highest level, and his will is for life on earth to be as it is in heaven. 

I have narrowed down how my life has been impacted with 14 key lessons, which I have written for you. I am sure there are more, but this is the most basic I could get! These 14 things have deeply impacted the way I do life:

1. My emotions are not evil. If I am feeling a negative emotion, I have permission to feel it, to learn why I am feeling it, and to solve the problem that is making me feel this way. This makes the process of healing go by quicker, therefore I can love others well when I am whole. 

2. Not every thought I have is my own. The battleground is the mind, and when I learn the difference between heavenly thoughts and demonic thoughts, the battle becomes much easier. My beliefs shape my life. I must identify the lies that I am believing so I can find the truth God has for me. This will enable me to live from hope, joy, and peace. Not only for a moment, but for my lifetime. 

3. God loves me unconditionally, so I should learn to love myself unconditionally. In my most shameful moments or my most embarrassing downfalls, I must tell myself "Hannah, you are worthy of love, even in this moment. I choose to let love in." To be the best lover of people, I must first allow myself to be loved wholly.

4. Thankfulness is the key to everything. Be thankful for blessing, but also be thankful for pain. Be thankful for hard seasons and for difficulties, because that is what makes me grow and develop character and strength, and ultimately it brings glory to God. Take time to say out loud the things that you are thankful for, both bad and good. 

5.  There are two types of ministry. One is to people. The other is to God, Himself. If it is possible to minister to God, I will learn to do this well and with all of me for the rest of my life. He is priority and I love him. 

6. Heaven is a person, and His name is Yahweh. When I am bringing heaven to earth, ultimately I am bringing an encounter with God. To bring that kind of encounter, my inner world ( my mind, will, & emotions) have to line up. What is in my inner world will become my outer world. If I can sustain peace, joy, hope, a worshipful heart, ect... Then it will shift the outer world. This is what will be shifting the atmospheres around me. 

7. Fear is not my friend. It doesn't matter what is happening in my life; to partner with worry is to be expecting my future to happen without God. Fear is never the option. I always have the option to choose hope and trust in God. 

8. Intersession is not negative and it is not scary, but it is fun. I have the honor and privilege of looking at situations from the perspective of heaven. Heaven is full of the glory of God, hope (joyful expectation of good), joy, extravagant life. When I see a terrible situation, I have the exciting opportunity to look through a different set of lenses and prophecy the glorious future into existence. Instead of asking God to do something out of fear, I agree with what God wants to do,  out of trust in His character. 

9. Healing is real and it is easy. It doesn't take fancy prayers, but it takes faith in a good God. Which is easy to have once I've experienced Him. 

10. Grace is an empowerment from God, that enables me to act out of righteousness. Therefore, everything that I do, everything I accomplish, everything I encounter, is because God is good and He empowered me to do it. So I don't have to fear being too prideful, or not accomplishing my destiny, because it is all for grace. 

11. Relationships take effort, and they take brave communication. To have beautiful relationships I must learn to communicate my needs, and listen to others needs. The goal is connection: not correction.  

12. The life I am living now is not for myself. It is firstly for God, and it is secondly for the generations to come. Many generations from now will look back on my life and they will see if I changed the course of their future or not. I am no longer living for the short term, but I am living to raise the standard of the quality of life for my future grandchildren's children. My limits, my ceiling must become their starting point, their floor. 

13. I have a strong call on my life to bring freedom to others, and to break slavery (both physically and spiritually). To do that, I have to give myself permission to dream without boundaries. And I am doing so, with bravery and with passion. There are many lives that are going to be changed because I had the courage to dream. 

14. I will never allow my bad experiences to challenge my belief in God's goodness. Rather, God's goodness will forever challenge my experiences. I do not care what happens in my life, I will always declare "God, you are good!". 

In the quiet places of my life, where I used to experience depression, discouragement, anger, suicidal thoughts, frustration, agony, impatience, and loneliness - I now experience hope, peace, joy, love, patience, kindness, goodness, and life. My inner world is completely different. It is abundant and it is clean, full of clarity. I didn't know it was possible to live with so much fullness in a consistent way, but I am living it. 

And you can too! It is the normal christian life. 

JOY PEACE AND LOVE TO YOU 

Hannah 

Extravagant

Hannah's Bethel Journey | Loving My Bible & Dreaming with God

Good morning beauties! 

I felt it was time to give another update on the things happening here. There is constantly emotional things that God is bringing up to be dealt with, so there is a constant breakthrough happening in my heart. But there are just two things that I felt like sharing on today.

1. Unexpected love for the bible teaching!

I was born and raised in the south. That implies that since birth there is a pressure put on me by my surroundings (church's and Christians) to spend a certain amount of time a day reading the bible, praying, and worshipping. I think because there was this pressure on my shoulders that said "To earn Gods love, you have to read the bible", I actually developed a dislike for the bible. I couldn't measure up so why try! 

The last several years I've experienced such a profound love from God that it has changed my views of the bible, and now I enjoy it. But it still presents challenges and things that confuse me. 

The bible teaching at Bethel wasn't something that was on my list of "Things Hannah is Excited to Learn". But I am excited to say that I'm being awestruck at the simple tools to interpreting what scripture means! For the first time I can read a parable and actually understand the context and the point the author is making. I had no idea that there was a way to understand the bible. I thought you just read and hopefully one day understand the context. Jesus is amazing! I love his words. 

2. Dreaming with God! (Dreams for life not night dreams) 

As a BSSM student I have the privilege of choosing a class to take. Choices range from prophetic class, learning to live a supernatural lifestyle, study of powerful women of the bible, ect. The class that I am taking is called "Kingdom Creativity". This is a class that trains you to be creative and dream with God. Within that class I have options: Writing, Music, Film, Dance, Culinary Arts, or Art. I chose culinary arts. 

Last week we were being taught by Theresa Dedmond. She was speaking on the value of dreams. She told us, "Ask God what He thinks of your dreams." As a class we all entered into conversation with Holy Spirit. Then she said, "Now ask Him 'What will happen if I dare to dream these dreams?'" 

I was immediately moved by the power of dreaming. 

Theresa then told us to pick a dream and turn to the person next to us to tell them about it so they could encourage us in it. I turned to the person next to me and my mind went blank! I didn't know what to say! 

"I don't know!" I said. "I love music. And cooking. And business. I want a bed and breakfast one day. I don't know how to tie this all in." 

The woman I was speaking to is a third year bethel student. 

She replied, "Oh I see how that could work all together." She goes on to explain a beautiful picture of how my passion for music and cooking could work together to create a healing environment in my future businesses. 

The next thing she said blew my mind to pieces. 

"I see what your bed and breakfast looks like!" She then describes the intricate details of what I've always dreamed my business to look like, ranging from the exterior building style to the interior curtains and furniture. 

Jaw dropped and wide eyed, I stared at her and laughed. I laughed on and on in absolute shock. 

Since that moment I have had massive  clarity for the things I want in life. I'm also in wonderment of how deeply and intricately God knows my heart. It's astounding. 

To wrap up, I wanted to share about knowing your beauty. I have had this conversation with many people in the last few months. 

Why are bethel students so beautiful? Here are the most stunning people I've ever seen! I was almost uncomfortable to be here because I haven't felt like I'm on that level.

 I've been realizing, these people know who they are. They know their identity as lovers of God, and they carry that confidence. It's as if beauty is a response to being loved whole. I'm allowing my perspective to be changed from outwardly expressing beauty to inwardly accepting my beauty. If I can receive the truth that my Papa God is holy and beautiful, and he's in love with me, I am beautiful in nature. 

It's interesting that our culture wraps itself around beauty, because that is what we are made for. Instead of striving for it, perhaps we should pursue our fathers embrace. That is what brings our exterior into wholeness and wonder. Beauty is an inside job, but it shows on the outside. 

Thanks for reading! I'm a girl of many words so I appreciate that you persevered through my updates. 

Much love, 

Hannah

Hannah's Bethel Journey | One Month Down

First of all, I'm sorry I don't update more often. I'm so overwhelmed by all the beautiful things happening to me that I struggle with articulating them in a condensed way. So here is my attempt at bringing everyone into an experience of my journey in my first month at Bethel! 

Before getting started I would like to note: I made a promise to someone prior to leaving Alabama that I would not become "one of those weird people". I am publicly announcing that I did not keep my word. I've become the ultimate weirdo. The way God has been touching me is so beautiful because it expands my sensitivity to Him and decreases my caring for what other people think. It's really fun! 

The first thing to highlight is a testimony of community. Throughout my life I have struggled with maintaining friends - deep friends. I could tell you many stories of heartbreaks because of "friends" or seasons of not having friends at all to go to when I just needed an ear to talk to. (Thanks mom and dad for filling in) ;). I longed for deep connection with people of the same heartbeat as me. I never found it. I've been in bethel school for one month and I have found the ones my soul loves. My heart is wrecked by the people here. 

I understand this doesn't sound like a significant thing to mention. But I choose to share this because I think this is one of the simplest, yet most deep heartaches I've had. God satisfies every desire. And much of that comes through a beautiful community. 

Second highlight is a particular fear God has dealt with. 

I can't remember a time where I didn't strive for significance or fear mediocrity. This intense feeling motivates me to never settle, to be okay with moving a million miles from anything I know, and to fear being too still. When I moved from Alabama, I had no plans of returning. The only things I would ever go back for are family and my home church (shout out to GLC). But even then the idea of being "stuck" in Alabama terrified me. It made me feel as if I was suffocating. In my first few weeks in school, I was in a thought process with God. I think, "If you tell me to go anywhere, I'm excited to go! I'll even go back to Alabama!" I stopped and thought, "Why am I suddenly okay with this??" The answer: I AM SO FULL OF GOD. I have had a beautiful paradigm shift. I encounter Him all the time. His glory, power, love, and truth. I am not afraid of my environment taking away my significance. I don't need my surroundings to feed me. I am actually eager to pour out love and glory on the places I go. 

God is a lover! And He has called me to be a lover of people and cities. It seems so simple, but it's really quite the phenomenon. To recognize that my soul can be at peace, no matter my place or position, is a very exhilarating and comforting thought. 

The third and final thing I would like to highlight is this: Friendship with God.

I feel that in the past I have entered into deep friendship with God, and it was easy for me. When my parents divorced, I was hurt by certain things that happened, and as a result my heart shut down towards my intimacy with God. I didn't recognize it though! It took time for me to realize that I wasn't experiencing Him the same. When I felt Him pressing into depth in our relationship, I would get uncomfortable and disengage. 

Fast forward to Bethel! Long story, short, one specific relationship that was torn through the divorce has been reconciled (WOO). Crazy enough, the reconciliation was a result of a bizarre dream we both had on the same night. We spoke on the phone, forgave each other, and opened up our hearts to relationship again. CRAZY, right?? As soon as I hung up the phone, I started chattering away to God in such a way that I do with close friends. I stopped myself and said, "Wow. I haven't talked to you like this in a long time." 

Soon after, I was in a session at our schools retreat. The message was all about God's love. Receiving His love, encountering His love, ect. (This is where I elaborate on becoming a weirdo). 

Throughout the entire message I am shaking. And not a gentle head nod or shoulder rocking, this is a full on shimmy, head twitch, and body crunches kind of experience. I can tell you that I was not voluntarily being a freak. But I can also tell you, I felt so amazing I couldn't care less how I looked. 

As the night went on people were receiving prayer. I was walking across the room (still doing those crazy crunches) when suddenly a girl from the prayer team pounced on me. (I say pounced because I had no idea where she came from. One second she was unseen, the next she was holding my hand). She said so sweetly, "Friendship with the Holy Spirit!" 

I was almost immediately on the ground burning under the intensity of His presence! (Shoutout to all the other weirdos!!)  But the point is not the weird stuff. The point is the heart stuff. After these encounters with Him, I am so ignited with passion to continue pursuing connection to His heart. Ultimately, He wants to be known by heart encounters, not by rules and regulations. 

I wish I could talk to every person reading this on the phone so you could hear my tone of voice and the details of my stories. I am so overflowing with joy! I laugh so much now. More than I ever have. Most of the time I am laughing because I can't believe He is really this good, but He is! That's enough to make me choke on my own laughter. 

He is a beautiful and perfect friend!

He is stunning in the way He loves!

He ravishes minds and hearts! 

And I am overwhelmed by the privilege to know Him and love Him in return.

Thanks so much for reading and supporting my journey! It's wild! And I am beyond ecstatic to bring revival to this culture we live in. :)

SO MUCH LOVE 

- Hannah 

My Mom

Dedicated to a fighter, a lover, my best friend, my mom.

“Her soul is alive. And we are drawn to her” – Staci Eldgredge.

You are radiant.

You are a woman of words. And what is more important than speaking the language of the heart? He, the One who comforts, comes close in intimacy, and wraps Himself around us with His warm embrace. He is the one you accurately articulate the heart of. The Spirit of Love.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

This passage, so often used in the context of marriage, should more often be used in the context of motherhood. Because you have done exactly as it says.

You speak life, enlightening the darkest of rooms, the troubled hearts, the hearts of my brothers, and my own heart. The Spirit of God is the breath you breathe, you are a prophetess of healing and intimacy. You are significant, you are unmatched.

You have been tried, and you have remained true. In all my days, there wasn’t one when you didn’t love me.

“I’m weathered but still elegant.” Song of Songs 1:5.

The Knowing

What are my spirits memories of you? I'm sure I knew you before my birth, as we dreamed and planned my destiny together. What were your thoughts as you designed my fingerprint? What was our opinion of me as you breathed into my lungs the very life I am living.

Give me insights into your mind. Give me the knowledge of your affection. Give me the understanding of your emotions. To know you inside and out is to know the very purpose of everything in existence, including me.

My eyes, my nose, my mouth; each were purposefully given to me. My spirit carries treasure and my soul grows gardens, as my mind and body come into alignment with your character.

Light as a Feather

You provide to me the best wine

You break for me the best bread

As we sit around this feasting table 

I passover to you my burdens

And you hand me your yoke

Oh the sweetest of burdens you give

You may lay your yoke on me every moment

It weighs me to the ground with the heaviness of your freedom

Then I float to the heavens above with the infatuation of your affection 

You barricade my soul 

With the protective spirit

Of the most ancient of loves